as things like this tend to go, it has been about a year since the last time a blog was posted on this site.
i plan on making a new site just to post blogs on hosted on a mini pc in my house at the url sinthetic.online, which i already own but at the moment just redirects to this site. i want to do this for a few reasons, mostly just to learn how to securely host a simple site myself. i don't really have any interest in doing datacenter larping "homelab" type things especially not in my tiny apartment
for now i'll just keep posting my blogs here until i get that site completely operational... so ya that's website upkeep stuff handled.
i have just been so tired, and the last few weeks have been particularly soul destroying. sorry to be on such a down note, but thats just how it is right now. i have accomplished nothing i set out to at the beginning of the year beyond the sheer basics of staying alive and like, gaining a little bit of weight lol (but not as much as i'd like to, still)
i'm trapped in a lot of maladaptive patterns and being drained of everything by having a 40hr/week job that requires me to speak to hundreds of people every day in a vaguely customer service context. i don't have to sell anything which is nice but besides that its essentially just a customer service job.
i spend too much time on social media, especially discord and i am going to be pulling back massively from everything. my ultimate goal is to make 'logging in' something i do intentially, and spend way more time offline.
i have so many goals and projects and no time or energy to work on them, which has kind of been the theme of my life. im just worn out terminally and need to disconnect for a bit from places that are less structured than a personal website lol.
i don't really have a structure or thesis to this blog, really im just sad and tired but i'll be okay eventually
what else... i've been watching more movies lately, and playing more games which i haven't really done at all this year... okay ya thats basically everything
hopefully next blog will be chiller :)